Untitled

I feel liberated, for so many reasons. I am going to keep this short.  Feeling something for someone is a great feeling, one of the best. Especially when its true, real and deep. That is the one thing I have learned, if anything. It really is all about trust.   Here I am finally liking someone, finally putting myself out there and its all putting the past into perspective.  I know what I would have chosen I finally know.  I would have chosen the one I trusted, and therefore the one I truly loved.  The other person was just a filler and has affected me like he had because he hurt me but it wasn't real it was just there and not valued and I hated that I could be so denied.  It means something that I was willing to let one go and acted controlling over the other.  One can think what one wants, and love does make you crazy and all but in the purest sense. When love makes you crazy it can't be possessive, controlling, or insulting. Thats why I finally know what  I would have chosen.  When one came to an end, I acted mad- but not driven by love. Just mad.  When the other faded out, I wasn't mad and when they found someone knew, I wasn't mad. I just wanted the honest truth.  I think thats what love truly is in its rawest form- its not selfish...you want the other person to be happy.  I was happy for Johnny, and not for the other. Wow.  That really is what love is. But it takes time, trials and tribulations. There really are so many different kinds of love, I guess you need to find what works and even then, you cannot always find the purest form.  Yet, you can look and connections will be made. I do not even know if I have found pure true love (in reality, probably not) but I now know what was more real and what was more selfish.  Yet, the question is still begged who is to put a name on love? Because when its right, its right, right? At the time it was right, for that time. There should be no ifs, and, and buts.  Its amazing to me that this is all coming to me now....in the library, a few years later.  I think it was a lot of things, time included, but really I think it was meeting someone who actually made me feel something...if even temporary.